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Summer Movie Review: Indiana Jones and the Retirement Home of...I mean Kingdom of the Crystal Skull

I'm back temporarily because this is a very touching blog entry for this blogger. Back in the good old days when my blog was on Angelfire, I wrote a little rant about a certain upcoming movie on September 21st, 2005. Here it is:

Speaking of issues, have you guys heard about that new Indiana Jones movie? I just checked IMDb.com about it, and it's pretty much official that Harrison Ford will play Indiana Jones. Here are a few possible titles I've come up with for the film:
-Indiana Jones and the Nursing Home of Doom
-Indiana Jones and the Retirement Party
-Indiana Jones and the Cardiac Arrest
-Indiana Jones: The Really Old Guy
-Indiana Jones and the Guy Named George Lucas Who Can't Come Up With a New Movie Idea So He's Making a New Indiana Jones Movie

I mean really. How bout' some new stuff Georgie? Nobody want's to see a 60 year old Indiana Jones. I mean really, George, are you alright? The Star Wars prequels were great (with the exception of Jar-Jar Binks, and kid Anakin), but a new Indiana Jones...? Some how I wouldn't think that ol' Harrison Ford would be up to playing Indiana Jones again. Even if they had some younger guy play ol' Dr Jones, it still whould be a crappy movie. Some things are better left alone. Well, thank you for putting up with my rants, it takes me a while to come up with this stuff.

It was my sixth blog entry EVER! Brings a tear to me eye.

Anywho, almost 4 years, and countless blog posts later, there I was, seeing this movie, and none of my title predictions were even close. Harrison Ford, whom I predicted would never take the role again, still rocked in that fedora.

This movie takes place in 1957, 19 years after the last one. Obviously, the villains have changed from the Nazis to the Russians. Also, for some unknown reason, the movies switched from a fantasy theme to a science fiction theme. Instead of mystical powers, we got...aliens.

Of course, it wasn't without it's in-your-face throwbacks to the original 3. At the beginning of the film, we get to see the storage facility where a certain large golden artifact that melted a guys face off, known as the Ark of the Covenant, is kept. In fact the first action scene in the movie takes place there, and after some cars went crashing through some boxes we got a nice, in-your-face look at the Ark. Then, of course, Marcus Brody has as much screen time as he did in the original, and the actor is dead (as is the character). This was in the form of photographs and a statue, who's head was rather attracted to Shia LaBeouf (glad I don't have to say that). Oh, and Sean Connery also had a cameo...as a photograph...that got more screen time than William Shatner's toupee.

Anyway, let's see...do I have anything good to say about the movie? Ah yes, it was better than the abomination that was The Temple of Doom. Okay, the Temple of Doom wasn't so bad if you don't count that whiney blonde chick, the dolls riding the mine cart, and the rather strange plot. But this isn't a review of the Temple of Doom, it's a review of the next worst thing.

So, without further diversion, I present to you the official super awesome ultra mega cool review of Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull.

Plot: The plot, where to begin. Basically, a bunch of Russian agents, lead by an uninteresting looking Cate Blanchett, are searching for a crystal skull, which apparently belongs so an alien life form from another dimension, and when returned to it's proper place, all hell will break loose. There's also this thing about Indy's old flame from Raiders of the Lost Ark being kidnapped (she tends to have that problem apparently), and it turns out her son is also Indy's son, and is named. Henry Jones the 3rd. Oh and there's this fat guy with a British accent who can't seem to decide what the hell he's doing in this movie.

Dialog: Two words: George Lucas. I rest my case.

Action: This is the one are where the film almost but didn't quite disappoint. In the spirit of Indiana Jones, the main villain died gruesomely, melting face, heart ripped out, super fast aging, and now....head combusts rather unrealistically? The action scenes were also almost Indy worthy, though you can't beat the boat chase from the 3rd film. "Are you crazy don't go between them!" "Go between them, are you crazy!?" Compared to that, racing a pissed off Cate Blanchett through the Amazon while she tried to knock you off a giant cliff is child's play.

Comic Relief: It wouldn't be an Indiana Jones movie without ample comic relief. Though this time around I have to say, Nicolas Cage's whiney sidekick from the National Treasure films is funnier. Though I did find Cate Blanchett's hair cut absolutely hysterical. Was that supposed to be funny?

Overall: Okay, I made it sound worse that it actually is. It's just that I'm a big fan of the old films, and this movie had huge shoes to fill (like, clown-sized shoes), but I'd say this movie was a size 10 1/2, adult mens. It just didn't warm my heart as much as the old ones did, though that may have had something to do with the fact that the air conditioning in the theater was set to maximum. Either way, it was a decent movie, but a mediocre Indiana Jones installment.

Plot:4

Dialog:4

Action:6

Comic Relief:5

Overall:4.75

PS: Han shot first.

I'm Taking A Blog-cation

I've been faithfully blogging without a planned break for over 4 years. Quite frankly, I need some time off. Sure I haven't been blogging every single day, but I blog whenever I have the chance. I just need some time to forget about the blog, and not worry about what I should write about next. I intend to keep my Twitter status going, so be sure to subscribe to me there.

I hope to continue blogging in the fall, but for now I need to concentrate on more important things. My girlfriend is moving at the end of the summer, so I want to spend all the time I can with her before she moves. I'm also starting work in a couple weeks.

So I'll see you all in the fall (hey that rhymed).

"Presenting The Class of 2008...."

So last night was the big night, my 4 years of high school have come to a close. As I walked up and grabbed (yes, grabbed) my diploma that I had worked so hard to get, I felt a huge weight lift itself from my chest. Then, an even heavier weight dropped in, and that weight is college. Sure, I'm on track to go to New England Tech in the fall, but it signifies another step into the unknown, which is really freaking scary.

I'll be starting my first real job in the next few weeks, and I plan on getting my license before then and maybe use the money I got from graduation combined with selling a few valuable electronic items (not my computer or my iPhone, don't worry) and various other things that are eating up space in my room, to get myself an automobile. Nothing fancy, just something that works. Actually, scratch that. I've learned that you must set your goals high, because even if you don't reach them you'll still get a satisfactory result. So my goal is to save enough money to buy a brand new Mercedes. There! And using my standard goal to achievement ratio I will end up with nothing fancy, just something that works, which is right on par with my original goal. And on the (very) off chance I get a brand new ANYTHING (or even a used Mercedes) then I will have exceeded my realistic goal and I will feel good.

Anyway, I must be going. I'm going to play with the Spore Creature Creator. Cheerio!

What Is A Mac Nerd To Do?

For those of you who don't know, Apple's World Wide Developers Conference was on Monday. And even if you didn't know that, you probably heard of the new 3G iPhone, boasting faster data transfer, GPS, and a dramatically lower price ($199 vs. $399). It blows the mind, and if I sell my current iPhone and 1 or 2 of my other aging electronics, I'll have a new iPhone 3G.

Most of the functionality I really want from the iPhone (3rd party apps, etc.) is coming as a free software update for existing iPhones. But it will save me some money with the GPS, as I was planning on buying a TomTom when I get my drivers license (I have trouble with directions if I haven't been somewhere 30 billion times). But, my girlfriend lost her iPod, so I'd feel a bit guilty getting a brand spanking new iPhone while she is still without an iPod. I also need to start putting some money aside for a new computer incase something happens to Mister MacBook Pro when his healthcare expires in 1 year and 2.7 months.

Well, I have some time to think about it. It's not as if I can go out and buy it tomorrow, the new iPhone isn't being released until July 11th.

Graduation Practice Panic!

So we're having out first day of graduation practice. So why aren't I out there practicing? Well, I had a bit of a panic attack.

Like a lot of people, I suffer from Anxiety Disorder (you can read more about it at my website, The Anxiety Resource) and one of the things that sets me off is lots of commotion, which there was no short supply of at practice, which was amplified by the echoing of the gym. I was outside the gym, I wasn't even in it, and I sort of freaked out. I had to go outside and get away from the situation. There are many situations where I can just take a deep breath and get through the panic attack, but this is not one of them. 

So, sorry Shannon, I know I promised you details, but...well yeah.

On an unrelated note, I'm uber excited about Apples World Wide Developer Conference today.

That's Hot!

As I write this now, it is a whopping 91˙F outside. This heat slows me to a crawl, I can't even think straight. Anyway, I'm graduating high school in a week, which is cool.

I officially submitted my application for Miss USA the other day, with the help of my girlfriend. We had to pick out the perfect glamor photo, oh yeah. I'm too lazy to upload the photo right now, I just want to go jump in a tub of ice, which in this heat probably won't be ice for very long.

Ah screw it, I'll just post the damn picture.

What? Do you find something amusing? I swear, it's PhotoShopped!